mcmurphy79: (Default)
BB7: Where Did It All Go Wrong?

And so, plagued with accusations of vote rigging, unwise housemate selections, and a healthy lack of respect for its audience, Big Brother 7 has at last whimpered to its predictable conclusion.

Pete's victory was assured the minute he staggered, gurning and spewing expletives, into the house 13 weeks ago, despite barely-disguised attempts to con the public into voting for Nikki. This, of course, had nothing to do with the fact that she'd already been signed up for her own E4 show, in which she 'attempts to hold down a job'.

What next? Monosyllabic Neanderthal Mikey presents an educational film in which he 'attempts to string a coherent sentence together'? Shahbaz 'attempts to convince men in white coats that he's sane'? Glyn 'attempts to wipe his own backside'?

Boring, self-absorbed, silicone heavy, boobs in different postcodes, 40-something 'model' Snoozy Susie takes the prize for being Big Brother's dullest housemate of all time. She had already auditioned for the show and been rejected several times in the past, and with good reason. Her sole contribution for the next seven weeks was to make infinite cups of tea, complain about the mess, and hide toilet paper behind her bed.

Had BB replaced her with a piece of two-by-four with a couple of balloons and a wig stuck on, I doubt if anyone would've noticed. She even achieved the unachievable in making Imogen, labelled 'Dimogen', look interesting by comparison.

The Housemates From Hell

But Susie wasn't the first (or indeed the last) poor choice of housemate this series. Whatever happened to Big Brother's much-touted 'rigorous selection process'? This year it threw up at least two borderline breakdown cases and innumerable slack-jawed bullies and bottom feeders with nothing – absolutely nothing – to contribute. Let's take a look back at some of those housemates because, God knows, by this time next week we'll have forgotten the lot of them.


His main ally Lea (or Leer, Old Mother Hubbard, Le-aaarrrrghh! - take your pick) was the oldest looking 35-year-old I've ever seen in my life. There aren't many people on this planet who can make Jackie Stallone look human in comparison, but Lea is one of them. And what a sad, self-pitying old crone; she looked like she'd been made out of balloons – two for breasts and another with some eyebrows and lips painted crudely on by a particularly short-sighted three-year-old. The scenes in which she slobbered all over innocent children Glyn and Pete during a game of spin the bottle were among the most vomit-inducing and objectionable in TV history.(VILE, VILE, VILE WOMAN)

Speaking of objectionable, both national disgrace (diss)Grace and vapid cretin Sezer the geezer entered the house with the wholly misguided belief that they would sail through to the final. They didn't, and here's why.

Lets start with (diss)Grace – a vile, lemon-sucking Sloane Ranger with a face like Ermintrude from The Magic Roundabout after going a few rounds with Mike Tyson – preyed on the weak, engineering Shahbaz and Sam's downfall/breakdown and driving a wedge between Richard and Lea by spreading he said/she said misinformation throughout the house.


Meanwhile Sezer the geezer slimed his way around the house like some sort of idiotic walking erection, quickly targeting exceptionally impressionable/thick prey Imogen (Dimogen, more like) with his vile smarm offensive. In one memorable episode, he promised to keep his hands to himself as she drew closer to his bed, like a particularly stupid moth to a particularly cheap and nasty 40 watt light bulb. He lied of course, and was all over her like a particularly chronic bout of dermatitis. Sezer the geezer spent most of his last week in the house (week 3) laughing off the idea that he'd be evicted because, he thought, girls would want to keep him in the house. Girls didn't, and he was booted out with a record 91.6% of the public vote. To everyone's amusement - I don't think I've laughed so hard since Pete Doherty was voted Sexiest Male by NME readers. (THIS MAN SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO BREED)

Runner-up Glyn was this year's token 'boy-becoming-man' story. This despite the fact that the only skills he appeared to have added to his limited repertoire by the end of the show were a) boiling an egg, and b) making a sandwich. (he's yet to master speech). Even Mikey was able to get away with calling Glyn 'dopey', which is no mean feat. But 'dopey' didn't even come close.

But the indisputable star of this year’s show was 24-year-old Nikki, a ten-year-old trapped in, well, a ten-year-old's body, a terrifying tantrum machine with a face like an angry scrotum (HEHEHEHEHE). When the public stupidly voted her out in week 8, it was inevitable that Endemol would have to take drastic action to get her back inside, a move which really couldn't have backfired more spectacularly. Instead of embracing the concept, the tabloids turned on the show like a pack of hungry wolves.

Worse still, when Nikki did eventually return to the house it all seemed like one big act, wholly informed by her time spent back in the real world: the tantrums yet more spectacular and prolonged, the Diary Room rants more frequent, and the relationship with Pete turned up to full throttle, presumably because Nikki now knew that he had it in the bag, and wanted a piece of his limelight for herself.

If we are to see a return to Big Brother's former glory next year, and I think that even die-hard fans will acknowledge that something was extremely putrid and rotten in the state of Elstree this summer, series 8 will need to include the following things: a damp cellar kitted out with medieval torture instruments; a live homicide; and a menagerie of half-starved wild animals roaming the garden. Endemol should also lift any ban on the inclusion of criminals, illegal immigrants, and former contestants. Failing that, at least budget for some bloody soundproofing for any future not-so-secret houses next door. Or, better yet, maybe they should just put it out of its misery altogether. (I THINK THE TIME HAS COME, WHAT A BORING, PUTRID YEAR FOR BB)
mcmurphy79: (Default)
BB7: Where Did It All Go Wrong?

And so, plagued with accusations of vote rigging, unwise housemate selections, and a healthy lack of respect for its audience, Big Brother 7 has at last whimpered to its predictable conclusion.

Pete's victory was assured the minute he staggered, gurning and spewing expletives, into the house 13 weeks ago, despite barely-disguised attempts to con the public into voting for Nikki. This, of course, had nothing to do with the fact that she'd already been signed up for her own E4 show, in which she 'attempts to hold down a job'.

What next? Monosyllabic Neanderthal Mikey presents an educational film in which he 'attempts to string a coherent sentence together'? Shahbaz 'attempts to convince men in white coats that he's sane'? Glyn 'attempts to wipe his own backside'?

Boring, self-absorbed, silicone heavy, boobs in different postcodes, 40-something 'model' Snoozy Susie takes the prize for being Big Brother's dullest housemate of all time. She had already auditioned for the show and been rejected several times in the past, and with good reason. Her sole contribution for the next seven weeks was to make infinite cups of tea, complain about the mess, and hide toilet paper behind her bed.

Had BB replaced her with a piece of two-by-four with a couple of balloons and a wig stuck on, I doubt if anyone would've noticed. She even achieved the unachievable in making Imogen, labelled 'Dimogen', look interesting by comparison.

The Housemates From Hell

But Susie wasn't the first (or indeed the last) poor choice of housemate this series. Whatever happened to Big Brother's much-touted 'rigorous selection process'? This year it threw up at least two borderline breakdown cases and innumerable slack-jawed bullies and bottom feeders with nothing – absolutely nothing – to contribute. Let's take a look back at some of those housemates because, God knows, by this time next week we'll have forgotten the lot of them.


His main ally Lea (or Leer, Old Mother Hubbard, Le-aaarrrrghh! - take your pick) was the oldest looking 35-year-old I've ever seen in my life. There aren't many people on this planet who can make Jackie Stallone look human in comparison, but Lea is one of them. And what a sad, self-pitying old crone; she looked like she'd been made out of balloons – two for breasts and another with some eyebrows and lips painted crudely on by a particularly short-sighted three-year-old. The scenes in which she slobbered all over innocent children Glyn and Pete during a game of spin the bottle were among the most vomit-inducing and objectionable in TV history.(VILE, VILE, VILE WOMAN)

Speaking of objectionable, both national disgrace (diss)Grace and vapid cretin Sezer the geezer entered the house with the wholly misguided belief that they would sail through to the final. They didn't, and here's why.

Lets start with (diss)Grace – a vile, lemon-sucking Sloane Ranger with a face like Ermintrude from The Magic Roundabout after going a few rounds with Mike Tyson – preyed on the weak, engineering Shahbaz and Sam's downfall/breakdown and driving a wedge between Richard and Lea by spreading he said/she said misinformation throughout the house.


Meanwhile Sezer the geezer slimed his way around the house like some sort of idiotic walking erection, quickly targeting exceptionally impressionable/thick prey Imogen (Dimogen, more like) with his vile smarm offensive. In one memorable episode, he promised to keep his hands to himself as she drew closer to his bed, like a particularly stupid moth to a particularly cheap and nasty 40 watt light bulb. He lied of course, and was all over her like a particularly chronic bout of dermatitis. Sezer the geezer spent most of his last week in the house (week 3) laughing off the idea that he'd be evicted because, he thought, girls would want to keep him in the house. Girls didn't, and he was booted out with a record 91.6% of the public vote. To everyone's amusement - I don't think I've laughed so hard since Pete Doherty was voted Sexiest Male by NME readers. (THIS MAN SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO BREED)

Runner-up Glyn was this year's token 'boy-becoming-man' story. This despite the fact that the only skills he appeared to have added to his limited repertoire by the end of the show were a) boiling an egg, and b) making a sandwich. (he's yet to master speech). Even Mikey was able to get away with calling Glyn 'dopey', which is no mean feat. But 'dopey' didn't even come close.

But the indisputable star of this year’s show was 24-year-old Nikki, a ten-year-old trapped in, well, a ten-year-old's body, a terrifying tantrum machine with a face like an angry scrotum (HEHEHEHEHE). When the public stupidly voted her out in week 8, it was inevitable that Endemol would have to take drastic action to get her back inside, a move which really couldn't have backfired more spectacularly. Instead of embracing the concept, the tabloids turned on the show like a pack of hungry wolves.

Worse still, when Nikki did eventually return to the house it all seemed like one big act, wholly informed by her time spent back in the real world: the tantrums yet more spectacular and prolonged, the Diary Room rants more frequent, and the relationship with Pete turned up to full throttle, presumably because Nikki now knew that he had it in the bag, and wanted a piece of his limelight for herself.

If we are to see a return to Big Brother's former glory next year, and I think that even die-hard fans will acknowledge that something was extremely putrid and rotten in the state of Elstree this summer, series 8 will need to include the following things: a damp cellar kitted out with medieval torture instruments; a live homicide; and a menagerie of half-starved wild animals roaming the garden. Endemol should also lift any ban on the inclusion of criminals, illegal immigrants, and former contestants. Failing that, at least budget for some bloody soundproofing for any future not-so-secret houses next door. Or, better yet, maybe they should just put it out of its misery altogether. (I THINK THE TIME HAS COME, WHAT A BORING, PUTRID YEAR FOR BB)

Rant

Jul. 7th, 2006 09:27 pm
mcmurphy79: (freud)
Why oh why do people go on big brother if they can't handle rejection or fame or whatever else thy have been moaning about this year?

I mean they are hardly the most stable people are they?! Lea has apparently tried to commit suicide, Nicky had a severe eating disorder and don't even get be started on shabaz! Why are they allowed to be on a show like this were it's deliberately run to make people feel shit, rejected and narky at each other? And why, more to the point, is it so addictive and why do I keep watching?

Still Lea has walked if she can just stop blubbing enough to talk so Davina it should be good.

Rant

Jul. 7th, 2006 09:27 pm
mcmurphy79: (freud)
Why oh why do people go on big brother if they can't handle rejection or fame or whatever else thy have been moaning about this year?

I mean they are hardly the most stable people are they?! Lea has apparently tried to commit suicide, Nicky had a severe eating disorder and don't even get be started on shabaz! Why are they allowed to be on a show like this were it's deliberately run to make people feel shit, rejected and narky at each other? And why, more to the point, is it so addictive and why do I keep watching?

Still Lea has walked if she can just stop blubbing enough to talk so Davina it should be good.
mcmurphy79: (angel)
Lea has to go, I can't stand seeing her plastic mug anymore
mcmurphy79: (angel)
Lea has to go, I can't stand seeing her plastic mug anymore

Profile

mcmurphy79: (Default)
mcmurphy79

August 2012

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12 131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 09:19 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios