( That's better )
Fundamentally untrustworthy??
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:23 pmG was meant to be coming over today but he was out with the hockey lads last nite and says he thinks he ate something funny and is feeling unwell. This could all be true and probably is; he does suffer with his tummy but I started to feel paranoid. I know it's silly but I though he could have someone there and he's just keeping me sweet. That actually he's not ill but with someone else. I know this is silly but I still FEEL worried. It's so hard to know something and to match up your feelings to it. He text me at 1 last nite to say he misses me so it's very unlikely he's with someone else.
I know I sound like a psycho but actually I trust G more than anyone else I've ever been with but I do believe people are fundamentally untrustworthy and I include myself in that. He doesn't know I have little fits of paranoia like this and I do control them so well now. I know it's me. Anyhoo if he did cheat there would be fuck all I can do. If he's going to he's going to and there is nowt I can do. We're happy when we are together and he wants me to move in and stuff so I know I'm being crazy. It's crap when u are down coz it's hard to get things in perspective.
I know I sound like a psycho but actually I trust G more than anyone else I've ever been with but I do believe people are fundamentally untrustworthy and I include myself in that. He doesn't know I have little fits of paranoia like this and I do control them so well now. I know it's me. Anyhoo if he did cheat there would be fuck all I can do. If he's going to he's going to and there is nowt I can do. We're happy when we are together and he wants me to move in and stuff so I know I'm being crazy. It's crap when u are down coz it's hard to get things in perspective.
Fundamentally untrustworthy??
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:23 pmG was meant to be coming over today but he was out with the hockey lads last nite and says he thinks he ate something funny and is feeling unwell. This could all be true and probably is; he does suffer with his tummy but I started to feel paranoid. I know it's silly but I though he could have someone there and he's just keeping me sweet. That actually he's not ill but with someone else. I know this is silly but I still FEEL worried. It's so hard to know something and to match up your feelings to it. He text me at 1 last nite to say he misses me so it's very unlikely he's with someone else.
I know I sound like a psycho but actually I trust G more than anyone else I've ever been with but I do believe people are fundamentally untrustworthy and I include myself in that. He doesn't know I have little fits of paranoia like this and I do control them so well now. I know it's me. Anyhoo if he did cheat there would be fuck all I can do. If he's going to he's going to and there is nowt I can do. We're happy when we are together and he wants me to move in and stuff so I know I'm being crazy. It's crap when u are down coz it's hard to get things in perspective.
I know I sound like a psycho but actually I trust G more than anyone else I've ever been with but I do believe people are fundamentally untrustworthy and I include myself in that. He doesn't know I have little fits of paranoia like this and I do control them so well now. I know it's me. Anyhoo if he did cheat there would be fuck all I can do. If he's going to he's going to and there is nowt I can do. We're happy when we are together and he wants me to move in and stuff so I know I'm being crazy. It's crap when u are down coz it's hard to get things in perspective.
(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2007 08:41 pmIt's Saturday night and I'm indoors with a can of Carling watching some channel 4 programme about a crackpot 'scientist' who thinks he can make us live forever. So presumably I can spend an eterity of Saturday nights doing much the same as tonight.
I'm so bored but am also apathetic, extreme ennui in world of Mcmurphy this evening.
In other news I'm still seeing the gorgeous G and we're going away for a few days over half term. Going to a little village in Cornwall which I last went to when I was 11. I've had reoccurring dreams about it ever since. I can't wait. He's great and I adore him.
Have seen M periodically but no longer wish to, somethings that had happened between us have resurfaced in my head and I'm angry about them. This is wrong coz I should have got more angry about them at the time, but I guess the relationship just had me at a low. When I think of how I reacted to somethings I realise I was a weak fool and for someone who said/says he loves me he was rat, a super rat even. And no he didn't cheat. Worse.
But enough. Went to see 'Pan's Labyrinth' the other week (living in the arse end of nowhere we're always the last to hear/get anything interesting but I'm lucky that the local cinema showed it at all!) It was wicked.
Off to dance round my room
I'm so bored but am also apathetic, extreme ennui in world of Mcmurphy this evening.
In other news I'm still seeing the gorgeous G and we're going away for a few days over half term. Going to a little village in Cornwall which I last went to when I was 11. I've had reoccurring dreams about it ever since. I can't wait. He's great and I adore him.
Have seen M periodically but no longer wish to, somethings that had happened between us have resurfaced in my head and I'm angry about them. This is wrong coz I should have got more angry about them at the time, but I guess the relationship just had me at a low. When I think of how I reacted to somethings I realise I was a weak fool and for someone who said/says he loves me he was rat, a super rat even. And no he didn't cheat. Worse.
But enough. Went to see 'Pan's Labyrinth' the other week (living in the arse end of nowhere we're always the last to hear/get anything interesting but I'm lucky that the local cinema showed it at all!) It was wicked.
Off to dance round my room
(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2007 08:41 pmIt's Saturday night and I'm indoors with a can of Carling watching some channel 4 programme about a crackpot 'scientist' who thinks he can make us live forever. So presumably I can spend an eterity of Saturday nights doing much the same as tonight.
I'm so bored but am also apathetic, extreme ennui in world of Mcmurphy this evening.
In other news I'm still seeing the gorgeous G and we're going away for a few days over half term. Going to a little village in Cornwall which I last went to when I was 11. I've had reoccurring dreams about it ever since. I can't wait. He's great and I adore him.
Have seen M periodically but no longer wish to, somethings that had happened between us have resurfaced in my head and I'm angry about them. This is wrong coz I should have got more angry about them at the time, but I guess the relationship just had me at a low. When I think of how I reacted to somethings I realise I was a weak fool and for someone who said/says he loves me he was rat, a super rat even. And no he didn't cheat. Worse.
But enough. Went to see 'Pan's Labyrinth' the other week (living in the arse end of nowhere we're always the last to hear/get anything interesting but I'm lucky that the local cinema showed it at all!) It was wicked.
Off to dance round my room
I'm so bored but am also apathetic, extreme ennui in world of Mcmurphy this evening.
In other news I'm still seeing the gorgeous G and we're going away for a few days over half term. Going to a little village in Cornwall which I last went to when I was 11. I've had reoccurring dreams about it ever since. I can't wait. He's great and I adore him.
Have seen M periodically but no longer wish to, somethings that had happened between us have resurfaced in my head and I'm angry about them. This is wrong coz I should have got more angry about them at the time, but I guess the relationship just had me at a low. When I think of how I reacted to somethings I realise I was a weak fool and for someone who said/says he loves me he was rat, a super rat even. And no he didn't cheat. Worse.
But enough. Went to see 'Pan's Labyrinth' the other week (living in the arse end of nowhere we're always the last to hear/get anything interesting but I'm lucky that the local cinema showed it at all!) It was wicked.
Off to dance round my room